My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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