It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
