just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
