I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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