my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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