I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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