The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize