I'm jealous of your bromance
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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