I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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