the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
