Will you blow on my dice?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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