I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Actions speak louder than pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would ride that face into the sunset
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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