she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
