Life is so much better after having sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
