hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
