you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
