dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
