why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I forget how to act sober
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
