I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
