Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
