oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
