First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
