Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's always time for handjobs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
