Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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