So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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