my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
