Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
