He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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