it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
