Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
