Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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