I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
