I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
