yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
