My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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