My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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