My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize