You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
