went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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