i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
