dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
