her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
