it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
