Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
