apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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