so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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