I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
