u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
