Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
