To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
