Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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