Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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