My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
