My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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