Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
