just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
