i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
