omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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