Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
