her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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