It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We need to get me chipped asap
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
