You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
