So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
