Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
