He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
