Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
