If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
