i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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