You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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