i would punch a child for taco bell
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
